You've accepted the heavy responsibility of caring for an aging parent. To give them the best possible care you have to take care of your own emotional well being. As you readjust to the life of a caregiver remember that if your own bucket is empty you will have nothing to give. When you are making your elderly care to-do list add these 3 self care tasks.
1 - Join a Support Group
The only people who can truly understand what you are going through are those who are going through it as well. Find and interact with those people through a support group. Being part of a support group will
- Help you understand that you are not alone.
- Help you make new friends who will listen to your concerns and offer helpful advice.
- Provide a forum for tips and suggestions for caring for your aging parent.
- Help you find local resources for in-home elderly care.
You can choose to participate in either a local or online support group. You have to decide which one suits your needs. It may be helpful for you to try both for awhile and see which one works best.
A local support group will allow you to interact with others face to face making it easier to develop trust and friendships. It will create the opportunity to get out of your home and take a break from the daily tasks of care giving and learn more info about the process. If you choose this option you will have to find someone who can care for your parent while you are away. Try to arrange an ongoing appointment with a close friend or family member so that you don't have to deal with it every time you go. To find a local support group start with the Eldercare Locator website.
While an online support group does not allow you to interact with others in person, it will introduce you to a much wider network of caregivers. It is available whenever you are and you will not have the worry of finding someone to look out for your parent while you attend the group. You will find email lists for making private contact with others, bulletin boards for posting thoughts and asking questions, and real-time chat for immediate interaction.
Look for a support group that is run by a social worker or a psychology professional. They will be equipped to mediate conversations and share coping strategies.
2 - Ask for Help
Your love for your parent and your willingness to help them will not keep you from feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility. You need to recognize your limits and be willing to delegate some of the care to others. An "I can handle it by myself" attitude is admirable, but not good for your well being. Take this caregiver stress quiz to help you evaluate your situation.
Asking for help is not a sign of your inability to handle the burden. It is a sign that you are handling it well by recognizing your limits and taking care of yourself. Turn to others for help before you start to experience burnout. These people include
- family members
- close friends
- neighbors
- members of your religious congregation
- local aging services
They can help you by providing meals, carpooling your children, doing yard work for you, running errands, giving rides to appointments, assisting with home care tasks, and much more. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
3 - Deal with Your Feelings
You are in for a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs as you provide care for your parent. These emotions may include
- stress
- anxiety
- depression
- guilt
- grief
- resentment
- sadness
Holding in your emotions is asking for trouble. It's like shaking up a bottle of soda. Eventually the lid's going to come off and there's going to be an unpleasant explosion. Avoid the emotional mess by finding someone who will listen to you without judgment. Not everyone will be able to handle this. Find at least one person in your life that can. They don't need to have solutions to your problems; they just need to listen without criticism.
You may want to ask a close friend or family member who knows you very well. Because of your close attachment they will be able to sympathize with what you are going through. On the other hand, you may find it easier to talk to someone who is not emotionally involved. Your clergyman or a therapist can serve as a good sounding board.
Your commitment to caring for your parent is praiseworthy. It's a difficult job that will require so much of you. Make sure you are able to do that job by taking the time to care for yourself as well.
